If the economic downturn has forced you to rethink your plans for retirement, it's a good idea to discuss your concerns with your spouse or partner. Before you have this conversation though, you might want to clear the room of sharp objects. That way, nobody gets hurt.

In many households, it appears, retirement is an even more contentious topic than politics, religion or whose turn it is to walk the dog. A study by Fidelity Investments found that more than 80% of couples disagree about a major component of their retirement planning, such as the age at which they plan to retire, whether they'll work in retirement or where they'll live after they retire.

Fidelity found similar results when it conducted a couples survey in 2007, but now, the stakes are higher. Many couples in their 50s and 60s have seen their home equity evaporate and their savings diminished, forcing them to work longer or scale back plans.

That certainly seems like something couples should talk about, but that's not happening. Fewer than 40% of couples said they discuss investments in their retirement savings plans. And fewer than half said they make joint decisions about day-to-day finances, such as budgeting and paying the bills.

"People need to save more, and in order to do that they need more knowledge of their expenses and investments and together what they want out of their retirement," says Kathleen Murphy, president of Fidelity's personal investing unit.

Financial planners weren't surprised by these findings. David Kay, a financial planner in Dayton, Ohio, says that among the couples he advises, one spouse usually assumes primary responsibility for the household finances.

"Generally, it's a result of personal preference," Kay says. "One of the two tends to be more interested in the financial dynamics of the family." The less-interested spouse, he adds, "is more than willing to pass on those duties. As a result, there isn't much conversation between the two individuals when it comes to retirement planning."

There's nothing wrong with playing to each other's strengths. If you're a gourmet cook and your spouse can't use the microwave without starting a fire, it makes sense for you to handle most of the meals. But both spouses should have a general understanding of family finances. Otherwise, if the spouse who manages the money dies or becomes disabled, the surviving spouse "will have some huge catching up to do," Kay says.


The couples surveyed were aware of this problem: Only 15% said they were confident that one spouse could handle family finances if the other died.

Part of the problem is that household finances have gotten more complicated, says Greg Womack, a financial planner in Edmond, Okla. Many couples have multiple individual retirement accounts, 401(k) plans with former employers, insurance policies and other assets, he says.

That makes it more difficult for couples to have a complete picture of everything they own. In the Fidelity survey, more than a quarter of the couples disagreed on whether they owned an IRA. Nearly 40% disagreed on whether they owned an annuity.

Getting started

The press of daily life doesn't give couples much time to sit around and discuss finances, Murphy says. Still, there are some basic steps you should take together to protect your financial security. Among them:

*Make sure you see eye to eye on where you want to live in retirement. When couples disagree on this issue, the consequences can be disastrous. Kay recalls advising a retired couple who moved south from Ohio, only to find that the wife "was miserable from Day 1." She missed her children and grandchildren so much that they returned to Ohio two years later, at considerable expense.

Research your potential retirement destination thoroughly. Ideally, live there for a few weeks or months before relocating. Consider compromises, such as spending part of the year in one place and the rest in another.

*Make sure both spouses know where to find the couple's financial information. Both should know the providers and account numbers for savings and investments, such as bank accounts, workplace savings plans, pensions, individual retirement accounts, brokerage accounts, life insurance and annuities. Financial software can help you consolidate all of these accounts in one place.

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